The Killer Yellow Jackets

I wish that I could be sure every town had their own memorable characters, because if they don't, Sprague could lend out a few. Perhaps we could put them on loan and make a few bucks. Our trio of former school crossing guards would fit the profile, unfortunately two of the three are now in a place in heaven "Just for them!"
Wayner, lived in the former Allen Hardware store long after it closed. I think he owned it because no landlord would ever let a tenant make a fort out of his building. This was not your ordinary fort, it was not equipped with a canon on top (although anything is possible). Before it was a fort, Wayner called it a three-quarter way house (see what I mean-different). That didn't last too long, Wayner said "to many problems and issues with the residents." For a while Wayner's fort was protected by one mean-ass dog. I can remember seeing that dog heading down West Main Street, dragging his chain, making a getaway, Wayner not to far behind. Then all of a sudden Wayner heading back up West Main Street with the dog chasing him. Wayner's fort was located two buildings north of Fred's News. As soon as they had passed, everyone in Fred's News headed for the sidewalk, just to see who won the foot race. Obviously Wayner was victorious because later that afternoon he was spotted crossing the kids as St. Joseph's School day ended. Wayner was not a bad guy, just different. Problem was he thought he was fine and the world was wrong. However, Wayner had served his country during the Vietnam war, paying the ultimate price, early death from a disease caused by his tour of duty. He will be remembered for many comical moments and the yellow jacket he wore while crossing the kids.

Oddly enough our next crossing guard who is keeping Wayner company,(you know where), was "Lawnmower Man". Yes, Stinky's "friend". Really, Lawnmower Man would fill in on days Wayner wasn't available or was too sick. As I have said before, he did work for the church and the Sisters of Charity, so he was a natural for the job. Both Wayner and Lawnmower Man were friends and patrons of Fred's News. Everyone may have cracked wise-ass jokes about them, but there were times that Wayner needed food and had run out of funds. We never asked why, we just gave him the food. He had a heart and a certain sadness about him that shined through his strange facade.

"Big B" was the last of the "Killer Yellow Jackets". When we left the town he was still crossing the kids and anybody else that ventured anywhere near the crosswalk. In the beginning, he would jump out into the middle of the road even if a car just pulled into the church parking lot. He'd make all vehicles wait in line until that person got out of his car and walked across the street. Tempers flared, citizens complained but "Big B" stood fast. Problem was sometimes he was in such a hurry, he'd jump out, risking his own life, put up the STOP sign, but wave the vehicles through. Those who would stop and holler at him would hear the stern reply, "Oh how I hate dat siwee wabbit!!!" Seriously, "Big B" did serve a purpose, he slowed down all vehicles that definitely were travelling too fast through a school zone. However, with that yellow jacket stretched over his too large of a body and held in place by the top button only, he reminded everyone of Elmer, Fudd that is!!