For some unknown reason, the conversation here recently turned to spiders. Arachnids and plenty of them. To be honest with you, I haven't seen to many here in Florida. When we first purchase our home we found a very large (at least three inches) hairy spider right next to the porch door. Wimpy Bill...hates spiders and snakes..."Dee, look at that G-damn spider, kill it!" Although I do not have a phobia about spiders nor snakes for that matter, this bad boy was large, hairy and almost looked fake. Kind of looked like one of those joke type spiders you see at Halloween and he might scream if you squished him. Alas, squish him I did, much to Wimpy Bill's satisfaction. I did see the wimp looking over his shoulder, occasionally, for the mate. Eventually, after a night of dreaming about the fury bastard, it was forgotten. All of this leads up to spiders, snakes and one particular jokester at Fred's News.
Because of it's location, Fred's News was a haven for the above mentioned critters. Wood spiders are common in the area, as are snakes. The place was located on Beaver Brook, that alone was a breeding ground for them. None of us liked them, but Mr. Bill & Todd really hated them. Many a time Bill would wake up from a sound sleep thinking there was one crawling on him. This usually occurred after finding one in the house or watching some nature program on TV. I can remember someone bringing in a fake spider much like the real one we found here in Florida. They wanted to scare early morning customers, specifically Mary and the Egg-Nazi. Of course, I took the spider and put it at the bottom of the bucket of potatoes that the Egg-Nazi was going to eventually peel. Knowing this was going to occur in front of customers, made it all the more fun. Yes, I do have a bit of an evil side and yes, it worked like a charm, although I adamantly swore, "I had no idea how it got there!" Actually the person responsible for that dastardly deed recently passed away. Her "Majesty" Thelma, mother of close friend, "Touch", had an evil side much more prominent than mine. God that woman was my idol! One tough old woman, she never ceased to amaze me, with the pranks so could pull off. Some mornings you'd be running around the place, getting ready to open and just had a feeling someone was looking at you. Sure enough, lurking in the darkness, just at the corner of the building, Thelma was standing in the shadows, watching, waiting, more than likely trying to scare the crap out of her son, as he walked along the dark side walk heading for Fred's News. It was a game, Thelma ninety-nine percent the victor. She'd hide peoples keys, wallets, whatever she'd find on the counter, she'd keep them busy talking and no one would ever see her moving quickly and undetected. My favorite...she'd button someone jacket to the back of their chair or tie the arms together....she actually made her son quite paranoid...but we all miss the great fun she created.
Snakes on the other hand, were an issue. We'd find them in the back driveway often. I remember coming home from son Mark's college graduation, stepping out of the car, practically impaling a black snake with my heels. Thanks God I am not paranoid. Bill on the other hand almost broke his neck trying to avoid a snake on the loading dock ramp. As he exited the back door, carry a large bag of trash, heading to the dumpster, he didn't realize there was a snake on the ramp, until he practically stepped on it. Trying to put on the brakes, he fell on the wet ramp, bounced off into the driveway, scraping his knees. No one ever believed him, because I sure, the snake hauled ass when he saw two hundred fifty pounds crashing towards him. Of course everyone, in close proximity to Fred's News, heard the crash and scream, Bill denies ever screaming, witnesses say otherwise. Yes, another sleepless night as snakes invaded Bill's tranquil rest!
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