The Attention Grabbers

Because someone is a character, may not always be a good thing. We have a tendency to assume they are funny, witty and great to have around. Most characters that frequented Fred's News were just that but Fred's did have their black sheep. This is in the plural form. When any or all of them were in the restaurant an abnormal amount of attention was given to them just to keep the peace. They thrived on being nasty, controversial and pissing off people. "The Nephew" had a tendency to be that way, although he is not on my "List of attention grabbers." Stinky however is. In this case the nickname fits. Nasty by nature although I have no idea why. Maybe he earned the nickname because he is nasty or maybe he's nasty because of the nickname, whatever, it is what it is! Many years ago Fred's News sold Connecticut lottery tickets. Sometimes on a lazy quiet afternoon the regulars would purchase scratch off tickets. If one would win, he buy a round of ice tea or coffee for his friends. On one particular afternoon, they hit a "hot streak" on the tickets. $2.00, $5.00. more $2.00 tickets and even larger amounts. The front door opens, in walks Stinky. Not a good situation. Without even a "good afternoon," he walks up to the old guys, sits on the stool between a couple of them, watches the proceedings and says, "give me a ticket!" That would be like a guy at the casino jumping in on some one's hot streak in the middle of a hot Black Jack game. "What are you crazy!" they all chimed in. I might add at this point they were all scratching tickets. Stinky asked for a ticket again and again but sensing a crime about to happen, I did not sell him a ticket immediately. Finally, Hogan made the comment, "Give the As#@%* a ticket from the back of the book!" "Fine!" Stinky hollered as he paid the price for the ticket. Some how Stinky made it out the door with his life. I really don't know how. For the record, the last ticket in that book was a $5000.00 winner and it was his. "That fat bastard didn't even offer to buy us a coffee" Hogan snarled. Now that's despicable!

Ah yes, "Lawnmower Man", I really don't know his name, I just know what the regulars offered about the man. He was pretty much a loner, had a tough childhood (could of been the reason he was an attention grabber)and walked to one of the local mills everyday for work. Really never knew the man had a license because I never saw him drive. So you can imagine my surprise the day he stopped by the restaurant with a pickup truck full of stuff for the local landfill. The truck belonged to the Sisters of Charity and obviously he was doing work for them, (not so despicable). As the years passed and he no longer worked at the mill, he continued to work for the Sisters and the church. His vehicle of choice to get around Town was a riding lawnmower, hence the nickname, Lawnmower Man. This would of been fine if the distance he travelled on the lawnmower were only a few homes apart. They were not. Sometimes the distance was a few miles and it wasn't to mow lawns. It was his vehicle of choice. He would occasionally stop at Fred's News for a coffee and a burger with the works. Snarly is the adjective that best describe his demeanor. Obviously he had never learned social skills, we could deal with that. We tried teaching by example...no good. Everyone breathed a bit easier when he would leave, he never carried on much of a conversation. If asked "How's your day going?" he might continue eating and snarl "who wants to know?" OMG....to many tense moments! The corker to this whole story is: Lawnmower Man had been told a number of times to stay off the road with the lawnmower. He was creating a hazard to drivers and himself. Ironically, the fire department was summoned to an accident just up the road from Fred's News. Car versus ???. The "patron paparazzi" ran to Fred's News, "I"ll give you hint" they yelled. "There were pieces of lawnmower all over the side of the road and a wheel heading down the hill!" OMG...Lawnmower Man!! Just for the record, he was okay, a few bumps and bruises. I did feel sorry for him but he had been warned and knew the consequences. Oh by the way, I think it was Stinky that hit him....no really! OMG!