Questions Please!

Yesterday, I left work early, wanted to go with the Egg-Nazi for his second chemo treatment.  We were in an out in thirty minutes. Mr. Bill always asks me to let him ask questions...I know what he means...I don't always feel his questions are exactly what he wants to ask.  However, he is the patient and I must have patience!   By encouraging him to ask, it avoids him asking me a couple hours later..."What do you think the Doctor means when she says........had he let me ask, I could of answered his questions.  Ironically yesterday, the Doctor, nurse and myself were laughing about something and each made a comment, but we were all talking at the same time.  Mr. Bill, quickly turning his head from side to side, trying to tune in to each conversation, finally says, "one at a time please, I can only listen to one conversation at a time!"  We all laughed, saying "sorry, we forgot you are not one of us....we all know what the other was saying....it is called multi-tasking."  As he groaned and conceded, in an almost inaudible tone he says.."go ahead Annie, ask away!"  That look of defeat crossed his brow...never argue with a woman...let alone three of them!

As we left the Cancer Institute Mr. Bill looks at me and says "Oh boy, I feel different!"  "Like how?" I question.  "Sort of hot and burning."  To relieve his fears I explain, "the Doctor says that is normal."  A look of relief crossed his face..for now he fine.  We receive a call from a Connecticut letting us know friend, Ward is out of surgery, in the recovery room, everything is okay.  Mr. Bill signs with relief.  Conversations then turn to Ward.  When is he coming home, what will he experience, how will he feel, when will the final pathology tests be available?   For now, his mind preoccupied with his friends health and recovery, Mr. Bill is fine.

Cooking dinner together, he says "maybe tomorrow I will go with you, while you take care of your few obligations at work, then you can meet me at the Magic Kingdom."  Excellent Mr. Bill, good job keeping yourself occupied.  As we discuss the days activities over dinner, I wonder, will this be another week without the side effects from therapy?  As the evening continues, Mr. Bill seems to be heading to the bathroom more often than usual...Do I question him?  If he thinks, I am worried, he too will worry.  Hard to believe but I stay quiet.   I will worry in silence, I know another hard to believe statement.  When is the last time I kept my  mouth shut!

Ten o'clock, the night of the dreaded side effects is in full swing.   Mr. Bill laying on the couch...freezing.  He tells me, "everything hurts".  I remind him, some of the effects are flu-like symptoms,  he rattles off a barrage of questions in rapid fire succession.  I answer all to the best of my ability.  What I really want to say is "Sweetheart, why the hell didn't YOU ask the Doctor those questions?!"  Again I remain silent...I will remind him of that when he is feeling better.  It is not an "I told you so moment" but he needs to understand information isn't going to be given unless it is asked for...sometimes a tough pill to swallow.  About midnight he is hallucinating.....says he can't breathe and he is having a rapid heartbeat.  I check his blood pressure..NORMAL....heartbeat...NORMAL!   Hmm Mr. Bill is on bad drugs!  I did feel so helpless, it is not like me not to have an answer.  This continues for a few hours, by six o'clock he is asleep, I am awake.  He does not take the trip with me to Orlando.  The side effects are waning but he is exhausted...go tell!  I;m not my usual peppy self either....next Thursday we can count on HIM asking questions or I will.  He did learn a good lesson...I can handle it if I relax and there are more GOOD days than bad!  God love him!  Take a nap Mr. Bill!