Mr. Bill often asks, what are you writing about today? Tough questions, sometimes I sit in front of the computer, begin typing and the words flow. Other times not so much. He jokes about the fact that I do tell many stories involving him. True, he was a major player at Fred's News, great reason to poke fun of him. He also asks, "do I make fun of myself?" Probably would be my answer but Egg-Nazi stories are much funnier. Beside in his wacky world, with his strange personality....if the shoe fits....ABSOLUTELY, I say wear it!
Throughout our years at Fred's News, we not only listened, served, befriended, got involved in almost all our patrons lives. On the flip side many did the same to us. Some left us much too early in their lives, others we watched grow gracefully old. Never really thinking the same of ourselves, never really looking in the mirror, we were the observers, not realizing we were also being observed.
Our aging process, hopefully has been graceful, with a number of bumps, bruises, pitfalls, and dilemmas. Thankfully by the grace of God, prayers for all and one helluva sense of humor, we have survived. Making fun of ourselves, became an art form. To understand this statement, we will make fun of the Egg-Nazi. In his early to mid forties, Mr. Bill developed cataracts. Although the eye doctor thought it premature, family history proved otherwise. Surgery scheduled, replacement cook in place for the day, Mr. Bill and I head to Hartford Mount Sinai Hospital. Doctor's orders, take the first muscle relaxer before we leave Baltic. Dear God, Mr. Bill never really having had to take meds before, was the epitome of relaxed as we arrive at the hospital. So relaxed, a wheelchair was provided just to get him from the car to the admissions desk. Slurred speech, hallucinations, you name it...he had it. Of course this"high" also meant at some point, there would be a "low". Luckily it occurred as they strapped his head to the stretcher, readying him for the surgery. "But you don't understand he moaned, I can't lay still for forty-five minutes, what if I have to pee?" God love the man, they are getting ready to numb his eye with a needle, which he can see, but he can't do a thing about it, he is now feeling the effects of his notorious claustrophobia and all he can say is..."what if I have to pee!" The lovely but no personality assistant's reply..."then you will have to pee your pants!" As I laughed hysterically at his story, which by the way he did not find amusing, I reminded him, it could have been worse...what if he had to poop instead! For the record, his second cataract surgery, less eventful, he was knocked out!
Although our children complained of "life in the fishbowl", it affected everything Mr. Bill or I did. Again the aging process, certain things need to be taken care of, checked regularly, scheduling medical appointments also a major "big deal". If it were merely a physical, no problem, but by age fifty certain procedures need to be done, requiring two people, the patient and the chauffeur. Mr. Bill always very open about any procedure, constantly joking about it, hoping to make others realize some things are necessary. We also know that his sick wit, merely a cover up for the wimpy nerves. Doctor: "Mr. Hastings, we have scheduled a Sigmoidoscopy for you." Mr. Bill: "A what? Doctor: "A Sigmoidoscopy, which is an examination of the lower third of your large intestines including the rectum." Mr. Bill: "Ooookay, but why and definitely when?" Doctor: "You are fifty it is time!" As the story goes, his Doctor explained the procedure would take place in the office. He would be given a muscle relaxant, so basically he would feel not much. All he had to do to prepare......An ENEMA! Now Mr. Bill did share his story with the Fred's News Family, had them in stitches, but lying beneath the surface was his alter-ego, Wimpy Bill, just waiting to surface.
I did assist my Bill with the preliminary procedures, laughing so hard my sides ached. Enema directions: hold liquid for three minutes. As Wimpy Bill surfaced, he would of garnered a Gold Medal in the sprint, as he headed for the bathroom. Forty five seconds was all he managed, yet his physician thrilled as the sigmoidoscopy began. Doctor: "Mr. Hastings, you did a great job, your colon, exceptionally clean, perhaps we should go a little further while we have you here." Mr. Bill: "You can thank my very SICK wife for that!" Me: "Well, sweetheart, at least now we know, you are not full of shit!" That story told many times at Fred's News...each time, tears rolled down my face, as I laughed at Mr. Bill...tough guy!
Throughout our years at Fred's News, we not only listened, served, befriended, got involved in almost all our patrons lives. On the flip side many did the same to us. Some left us much too early in their lives, others we watched grow gracefully old. Never really thinking the same of ourselves, never really looking in the mirror, we were the observers, not realizing we were also being observed.
Our aging process, hopefully has been graceful, with a number of bumps, bruises, pitfalls, and dilemmas. Thankfully by the grace of God, prayers for all and one helluva sense of humor, we have survived. Making fun of ourselves, became an art form. To understand this statement, we will make fun of the Egg-Nazi. In his early to mid forties, Mr. Bill developed cataracts. Although the eye doctor thought it premature, family history proved otherwise. Surgery scheduled, replacement cook in place for the day, Mr. Bill and I head to Hartford Mount Sinai Hospital. Doctor's orders, take the first muscle relaxer before we leave Baltic. Dear God, Mr. Bill never really having had to take meds before, was the epitome of relaxed as we arrive at the hospital. So relaxed, a wheelchair was provided just to get him from the car to the admissions desk. Slurred speech, hallucinations, you name it...he had it. Of course this"high" also meant at some point, there would be a "low". Luckily it occurred as they strapped his head to the stretcher, readying him for the surgery. "But you don't understand he moaned, I can't lay still for forty-five minutes, what if I have to pee?" God love the man, they are getting ready to numb his eye with a needle, which he can see, but he can't do a thing about it, he is now feeling the effects of his notorious claustrophobia and all he can say is..."what if I have to pee!" The lovely but no personality assistant's reply..."then you will have to pee your pants!" As I laughed hysterically at his story, which by the way he did not find amusing, I reminded him, it could have been worse...what if he had to poop instead! For the record, his second cataract surgery, less eventful, he was knocked out!
Although our children complained of "life in the fishbowl", it affected everything Mr. Bill or I did. Again the aging process, certain things need to be taken care of, checked regularly, scheduling medical appointments also a major "big deal". If it were merely a physical, no problem, but by age fifty certain procedures need to be done, requiring two people, the patient and the chauffeur. Mr. Bill always very open about any procedure, constantly joking about it, hoping to make others realize some things are necessary. We also know that his sick wit, merely a cover up for the wimpy nerves. Doctor: "Mr. Hastings, we have scheduled a Sigmoidoscopy for you." Mr. Bill: "A what? Doctor: "A Sigmoidoscopy, which is an examination of the lower third of your large intestines including the rectum." Mr. Bill: "Ooookay, but why and definitely when?" Doctor: "You are fifty it is time!" As the story goes, his Doctor explained the procedure would take place in the office. He would be given a muscle relaxant, so basically he would feel not much. All he had to do to prepare......An ENEMA! Now Mr. Bill did share his story with the Fred's News Family, had them in stitches, but lying beneath the surface was his alter-ego, Wimpy Bill, just waiting to surface.
I did assist my Bill with the preliminary procedures, laughing so hard my sides ached. Enema directions: hold liquid for three minutes. As Wimpy Bill surfaced, he would of garnered a Gold Medal in the sprint, as he headed for the bathroom. Forty five seconds was all he managed, yet his physician thrilled as the sigmoidoscopy began. Doctor: "Mr. Hastings, you did a great job, your colon, exceptionally clean, perhaps we should go a little further while we have you here." Mr. Bill: "You can thank my very SICK wife for that!" Me: "Well, sweetheart, at least now we know, you are not full of shit!" That story told many times at Fred's News...each time, tears rolled down my face, as I laughed at Mr. Bill...tough guy!
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