Over the years Mr. Bill and I have had the opportunity to meet many people from all walks of life, with lifestyles, customs, opinions and language completely different than the "New England way of life." Ironically, moving almost fifteen hundred miles south of New England, has given me the opportunity to better understand how visitors often felt, as they visited not only the oldest areas of New England, then entered the Town of Sprague, stopping in the little picturesque village of Baltic and the strange but lovable unique atmosphere of that little place called Fred's News. Dear God, what must have popped into their minds! Hopefully, all they had been told or read about, readied them for that first visit, although I think not.
Picture a first visit to Fred's News.....enter, everyone stares at you, continually. An immediately feeling of inadequacy overcomes the body. Men immediately look down,"Is my fly open", by the way that is another completely different story! Women, would have that insecure look..."OMG what's wrong....with me. Do I have my wig on straight?" You might at this point be thinking, what the hell is she talking about....for all those naysayers or non believers, please please remember the "wig sisters". Lovable but old,"the little one", who did have challenges, would follow the older one. They would regularly stop for a cup of coffee, "the little one" also enjoyed downing the entire contents of the creamer pitcher....but we must admit, their wigs always balancing precariously atop their heads. Point being, one never knew what might pop through the front door, therefore, stares were the norm.
Many people ignored it, some felt uncomfortable, others merely, "what the f#*k are you looking at. Of course there were always the ones that WANTED to be noticed. Please remember, "Miss two pickets to Titsburg". A brief explanation: Young woman, with ample cleavage, that like that ample cleavage to be noticed, always wore her personal garments made from highly noticeable colorful fabric, beneath her way too small, light and flimsy made clothes. Obviously,SHE wanted attention,which she always received. Adding more fuel to the fire, she would let out a string of obscenities at anyone who stared at her attributes. Early one morning, Mr. Bill telling one of his usual off color jokes, DID NOT see her arrive. The joke happened to be about a "busty" woman. Since this young woman craved attention, she immediately thought EVERYONE was laughing and talking about..... her. Little Miss Piggy Mouth was livid, had she been able to scale the counter, Mr. Bill would have been dead. The Egg Nazi was not really sure what had happened, as she screamed "What the f*#k are you talking about." "Not much" he said, "just two pickets to titsburg". Laughter ensued as all the gentleman in the place had heard the joke, while she thought he had slandered her, "I will sue your ass" she screams, which made the crowd laugh harder. I truly thought about letting Mr. Bill get out of this one by himself, but to save my better half from bodily harm, I intervened. As "two pickets to titsburg" ( she shall forever be known by that name), left, Mr. Bill says, "What is her problem today?" He never really understood why she was so pissed off, she thought he was making fun of her. Obviously, she thought EVERYONE talked about her and only her. As for me, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Mr. Bill don't you know how to whisper!" "What, what???" he questions, "I was telling the guys a joke. It wasn't about her, it was about "two pickets to titsburg"! Coincidental, maybe, but that could of been the "perfect storm." No one had a clue of what the other was talking about, which by the way happened way too many times at Fred's News. Which also brings up..."If you heard it at Fred's News, it doesn't mean the Egg-Nazi or I said it!"
Picture a first visit to Fred's News.....enter, everyone stares at you, continually. An immediately feeling of inadequacy overcomes the body. Men immediately look down,"Is my fly open", by the way that is another completely different story! Women, would have that insecure look..."OMG what's wrong....with me. Do I have my wig on straight?" You might at this point be thinking, what the hell is she talking about....for all those naysayers or non believers, please please remember the "wig sisters". Lovable but old,"the little one", who did have challenges, would follow the older one. They would regularly stop for a cup of coffee, "the little one" also enjoyed downing the entire contents of the creamer pitcher....but we must admit, their wigs always balancing precariously atop their heads. Point being, one never knew what might pop through the front door, therefore, stares were the norm.
Many people ignored it, some felt uncomfortable, others merely, "what the f#*k are you looking at. Of course there were always the ones that WANTED to be noticed. Please remember, "Miss two pickets to Titsburg". A brief explanation: Young woman, with ample cleavage, that like that ample cleavage to be noticed, always wore her personal garments made from highly noticeable colorful fabric, beneath her way too small, light and flimsy made clothes. Obviously,SHE wanted attention,which she always received. Adding more fuel to the fire, she would let out a string of obscenities at anyone who stared at her attributes. Early one morning, Mr. Bill telling one of his usual off color jokes, DID NOT see her arrive. The joke happened to be about a "busty" woman. Since this young woman craved attention, she immediately thought EVERYONE was laughing and talking about..... her. Little Miss Piggy Mouth was livid, had she been able to scale the counter, Mr. Bill would have been dead. The Egg Nazi was not really sure what had happened, as she screamed "What the f*#k are you talking about." "Not much" he said, "just two pickets to titsburg". Laughter ensued as all the gentleman in the place had heard the joke, while she thought he had slandered her, "I will sue your ass" she screams, which made the crowd laugh harder. I truly thought about letting Mr. Bill get out of this one by himself, but to save my better half from bodily harm, I intervened. As "two pickets to titsburg" ( she shall forever be known by that name), left, Mr. Bill says, "What is her problem today?" He never really understood why she was so pissed off, she thought he was making fun of her. Obviously, she thought EVERYONE talked about her and only her. As for me, "Jesus, Mary and Joseph, Mr. Bill don't you know how to whisper!" "What, what???" he questions, "I was telling the guys a joke. It wasn't about her, it was about "two pickets to titsburg"! Coincidental, maybe, but that could of been the "perfect storm." No one had a clue of what the other was talking about, which by the way happened way too many times at Fred's News. Which also brings up..."If you heard it at Fred's News, it doesn't mean the Egg-Nazi or I said it!"
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